Day 1

Today was the first day of my internship at the aviary. I think I am actually depressed because despite the fact that I thought all summer that this is what I wanted and I was so looking forward to it so much I didn't even really enjoy it. Maybe I'm just tired because I got up before 6 and haven't slept through the night in weeks but I just don't even want to go back tomorrow...

In the area of more positive thinking I got to have a delicious Thai dinner with one of my best friends and I am playing with her adorable puppy. I plan to do my breathing meditation before bed instead of this morning because i got up so early.

On my lunch break I was re-reading Kevin's blog about inner peace on selfgrowth.com (link at the bottom of the page) and today I am concentrating on the line "most importantly, you have to realize that only you have control over your emotional responses and reactions and that they can be changed for the better."

This is probably my biggest weakness. I let my emotions run my life. Right now I am surrounded by loving family & friends and starting a new job. I should be happy. I should be putting myself out there and starting to date. But instead I'm still stuck on a boy who broke my heart. I let these emotions take over my whole life and that needs to stop.

Namaste

I'll begin with a simple explanation of why I have decided to both search out inner peace and to start this blog. I graduated from college a little over a year ago and spent much of the months following both lost and depressed. I turned down a job that I did not feel ready for because it was well out of my comfort zone and far away from my home. After a few months I started to find some of my old drive and ambition but I was in a very unhealthy relationship. Then this summer I had an opportunity to move away and live at a field station doing research and I decided to take it. After 3 months of getting to travel, make new friends, and learn new things I came home to the find the relationship I had left behind was over. Even though I knew I wasn't truly happy with him and I had tried to move on during the summer it still hurt very badly. It still hurts very badly. Now I am starting a new internship and hopefully a new chapter of my life but I don't want to do that while holding on to past pain. I have decided to take a journey to find what god's plan is for me, who I really am, and to heal myself.

I decided to make a blog about it for a few different reasons and kind of on a whim. One of the things that I have heard in the past and have read is that keeping a journal can help your mental health so this seems like an easy way to make one that I can type out quickly and access anywhere. It will also help me keep my thoughts and materials organized. I also wanted a chance to create a public place to put my feelings out because I am open to guidance and wisdom from others, as right now I'm just doing this by myself. I am by no means pretending that I have any great insights or that this blog is something anyone should emulate, I don't even really blog much at all. So please don't judge me too harshly :0)

Ok here we go!